Shit Happens (Just for Fun)

Catholicism: If shit happens, see a priest.

Calvinist: It is God’s sovereign will as to when and if shit happens.

Methodist: Abstain from tobacco, alcohol and shit.

Episcopalian: Sometimes shit happens, and that’s okay, as long as it’s served with a good wine.

Lutheran: We don’t know when or if shit happens.

Fundamentalism: When shit happens, and it will, ask Jesus into your heart or burn in hell.

Seventh Day Adventism: Shit happens, just not on the Sabbath.

Quakerism: Shit happens silently.

Pentecostalism: Praise God for all this shit!

Arminian: Shit only happens because you let it happen.

Amish: We don’t worry about shit, but if it happens, we forgive it.

Evangelicalism: Ask Jesus to save you from all this shit.

Eastern Orthodoxy: Shit has always happened, we’ve always known about this shit, and though it may or may not happen elsewhere, we know shit happens here.

Unitarian Universalism: Shit’s all good.

Baptist: Shit happens, but you still aren’t allowed to dance.

Non-denominationalism: We’re just as confused about this shit as you are.

Jehovah’s Witnesses: Knock, knock, shit happens.

Mormonism: We alone know about the true shit.

-Jon

Old Text File Rummage Part Uno

I was going through a bunch of old text documents from over the years, and I came across this quote I had saved from St. Maximos the Confessor,

“The mystery of the Incarnation of the Word contains within itself the whole meaning of the created world. He who understands the mystery of the Cross and of the Tomb knows the meaning of all things, and he who is initiated into the hidden meaning of the Resurrection understands the goal for which God created everything from the very beginning.”

I don’t know the source of the quote, which isn’t terribly helpful. But It’s good nonetheless.

-Jon